Monday, January 3, 2011

"Honey...We Need To Talk"

"Honey, we need to talk", Denise said to me one night. The five-word bomb was dropped just before midnight. I had showered and jumped into bed to grab 4 hours of sleep before heading to the radio station for another morning show. Like men through the ages....I thought to myself,"We need to talk?". "What the heck had I done?", I wondered. Then the flashbacks began....

There was no shortage of women who had broken up with me. In fact...the break up ratio was probably 5-1. Meaning that women had dumped me 5 times more than I had broken up with them. Regardless, I couldn't figure out what Denise wanted to talk about. My mind raced through recent events that could have lead to the demise of our wonderful union. I wasn't chasing other women, slapping her around during arguments, stealing money from her to support my drug habit. Heck....I didn't even have a drug habit. What was on her mind???

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?", I asked wondering if the end was near. Denise replied," There's something that you do that really bothers me".
(Cue the suspenseful music) "When you get a shower or wash your face, and then get in bed...your hair is always wet", she said in a non-accusatory tone. That was it?
She had a beef with my wet hair? Denise added, "When I try to kiss you goodnight, I get a face full of wet-head". A huge sigh of relief come out of this worried guy. The last time a women said, "We need to talk", I was single moments later. She just didn't like a wet hair on the pillows.

I grabbed Denise and then proceeded to mop her face with my wet head. She let out a playful scream and tried to escape from my grip. I yelled out," Watch comes Mr Wet head!!!!!!". Twenty years later Denise still gets caught up in the arms of Mr Wet head. In fact, Mr Wet head has often chased her around the bedroom. She screams and laughs every time I get my arms around her and turn my head left and right, like the brushes of a car wash.

So remember, if your husband or wife says,"We need to talk", the end might not be near. In fact, Mr Wet head may be waiting to make a visit.